I have been reading a lot of magazines, books, and wandering around a lot of websites late at night and have found some amusing things that maybe we can make room to share with you. Some propose the fix to our various illnesses in a manner similar to what we have already been presenting; others are so far out that anyone with even an inkling of science in their heads would reject as outrageous quackisms (e.g., powdering the horns of endangered species for treating erectile dysfunction); still others had some old Wise Woman “cures.” The latter has always been of interest to me because they usually contained some basis in scientific fact, even if the ancients did not know why they worked (e.g., olive leaf is a gift from the gods of Olympus). So I figure that every once in awhile, we should toss in something that does not suggest an antifungal or a probiotic solution. Obviously, not all of these are ancient. I, personally, do not recommend any of these. Use your own brains, however, and take these for what they are worth.

The Problem:    Paper Cuts

The Cure:         Super Glue

Source:             Miami Health dermatologist Heather Woolery-Lloyd

Next time you slash your finger wrestling with that vicious copier paper, skip the Band-Aid and break out the sticky stuff. The warning label on the Super Glue tells you to keep this stuff away from your skin, but a small drop will seal the cut so that it will heal faster and keep out moisture and bacteria. When the wound heals, the glue will fall off with the old dead skin, just like a scab. Just keep your fingers out of your nose until the glue dries. J Oh, and as to why paper cuts hurt so darn much, that’s because you have so many nerve endings in your finger tips – they are closer together than at almost any place else on the body.

The Problem:    Smelly Feet

The Cure:         New Shoes

Source:             American Podiatric Medical Association

Your sweaty feet might be the cause of the problem (actually, it goes deeper than that, but we’ll let this stand by itself for awhile), but it is your shoes and socks that harbor most of the stink. You can change your socks and spray a disinfectant/ deodorizer in your shoes, followed by a small sprinkle of baby powder, then let the shoes dry for two days before wearing them again. Or, you can simple toss those non-breathing shoes for a pair that allow air to circulate freely while you’re wearing them. If the moisture can’t build up in a confined space, the odor won’t either. (I’m sure we can follow this one with an article about foot fungus one of these days.)

The Problem:    Brain Freeze

The Cure:         Use Your Tongue

Source:             Dr. Frederick Freitag, Diamond Headache Clinic, Chicago, IL

Besides negating all those hours spent at the gym (like any of you actually do that), ice cream has another danger. When you slurp something too cold too fast, the cranial nerve at the back of the roof of your mouth flips out and tells your brain that your whole head is cold. The pain can be temporarily debilitating. Your tongue has higher blood flow than the rest of your mouth, so it reheats quicker. Push it against the roof of your mouth and it will warm the soft palate and calm your cranial nerve.

The Problem:    Common Cold

The Cure:         Goose Grease and Turpentine

Source:             Old Folk Remedy

Scoop up the leftover grease from a cooked goose. Mix it with turpentine. Spread it generously on your chest. Breathing this will make you better, provided you don’t barf your guts out. Personally, I’d rather use Vicks.

I also prefer chicken soup. It has been proven to shorten the duration of a cold as much as vitamin C and zinc supplements do.

The Problem:    Indigestion

The Cure:         Chili Pepper

Source:             The Amish

The capsaicin in hot peppers stimulates blood flow to the stomach and helps break down toxins. You can take it in pill form, as the Amish do, by stuffing empty gelatin capsules with the hottest red pepper you can find, so the fire isn’t unleashed until it’s deep in your gullet. But brace yourself for some lava-like shits!

The Problem:    Baldness

The Cure:         Castration

Source:             Ancient Greeks

We can make all the jokes we wants about eunuchs not having any balls, but the castrated servants of yesteryear has at least one thing going for them – a full head of hair. Baldness appears to be caused by an overactive form of testosterone, so boys castrated before puberty will always have hair. On the other hand, at least bald men can still get laid.

The Problem:    Hiccups

The Cure:         A $20 bill

Source:             Dr. William Chey, gastroenterologist, University of Michigan

Hand the person who is hiccupping a $20 bill and tell him he can keep it if he’ll hiccup one more time, quickly, right now. Odds are, he can’t. This works because involuntary contractions of the diaphragm (the cause of hiccups) are often caused by irritation of the vagus nerve. By making someone concentrate on trying to hiccup, you’re distracting him, which interrupts the vagul input to the brain.

For those hiccups that are caused by eating or drinking too fast, douse a wedge of lime in bitters, sprinkle sugar on top, take a bite and swallow. All gone…

The Problem:    Insomnia

The Cure:         Whiskey

Source:             The bartender

Two shots of straight whiskey. Lie down. No more needs to be said. You might need to follow this with the next cure.

The Problem:    Hangover

The Cure:         Burnt Toast and Banana

Source:             unknown

Carbon in the burnt toast supposedly works as a filter for impurities in alcohol. The banana restores you potassium levels.

The Problem:    Flatulence

The Cure:         Peppermint oil and cool water

Source:             unknown

Put two drops of peppermint oil in half a cup of cool water and drink it down. If you don’t like that taste and there’s an elderly person in the room, go ahead and let it rip, then blame the old guy.

The Problem:    Canker Sores

The Cure:         Butter, green frogs, chamomile, parsley, alum, and rattlesnake gall

Source:             American Indians

Put the butter into a well-glazed earthen vessel and bring it to a boil. Add four green frogs and let them stew until dry, then remove. Add a pinch of chamomile and a pinch of parsley, then, when cold, add some pulverized burnt alum. Pat this on the sores. For really tough cases, add rattlesnake’s gall, dried in chalk.

The Problem:    Gall Stones

The Cure:         Apple-Cider Vinegar and Virgin Olive Oil

Source:             unknown

On the first day, drink ½ cup of apple-cider vinegar five time throughout the day. On days 2-4, drink ¼ cup each of apple-cider vinegar and virgin olive oil mixed together, five times a day. On the fifth day, the stones should pass. On the sixth day, you’re going to want to rest a lot. Maybe on the seventh too.

While in Sam’s Club one time, Lannie pointed out to me that they had “Extra Virgin Olive Oil.” I said that’s impossible. There’s no such thing as an “extra virgin” because those rarities are always in high demand.

The Problem:    Erectile Dysfunction

The Cure:         Exercise

Source:             “A recent study”

Men who burn at least two hundred calories a day have a substantially lower risk of erectile dysfunction than their sedentary brethren. They also tend to have substantially more opportunities to test erectile function. Get off the couch, butthead!

Problem:           Losing Weight

The Cure:         Yogurt

Source:             “A recent study”

Obese dieters who ate three servings of fat-free yogurt each day lost an average of 22% more weight and 61% more body fat than dieters who stayed away from the calcium booster.

Problem:           High Blood Pressure and Blood Clots

The Cure:         Flavonoids

Source:             “A recent study”

OK folks, do not take this as permission to binge, especially since we have told you a zillion times to cut out the sugars and beer. But for those of you who insist on eating chocolate, this study shows that flavonoids, the antioxidant compounds found in cocoa and dark chocolate (not milk chocolate), decrease blood pressure and the likelihood of blood clots. The same goes for you beer drinkers. If you must drink beer, the dark brews are rich in flavonoids; the light beers are not.

Producing Your Own Vitamin D: “Your body needs a minimum of 20 minutes of sun exposure per day in order to produce enough Vitamin D, which benefits your cardiovascular and immune systems. The depressing truth is that any time your skin feels a little tight or turns red after being in the sun too long, it is damaged. Your elastin fibers, which are little rubber-band-like strands beneath your skin, are breaking down, and they never regain their strength and elasticity. You might not see that effect for 20 or 30 years, but trust me, the damage is permanent. My rule of thumb during the summer, or any other time you plan to be in the sun for long periods of time, is SPF45, used like a moisturizing cream. And don’t forget to put some kind of blocking agent on your lips. Don’t worry about tanning, you’ll still get a little color.” – Dr. Mehmet Oz, heart surgeon and co-author of You: The Owner’s Manual – An Insider’s Guide to the Body that Will Make You Healthier and Younger. I, personally, don’t want to use any of those store-bought sun blockers – too many harmful chemicals. Coconut oil mixed in olive oil, as a moisturizer, is safer. St. John’s Wort flowers, infused in olive oil, also seems to be a popular folk sun block, but I’ve never tried it myself.

Don’t Take Vitamin E Supplements: “Marketed to protect against heart attacks and cancer, recent studies have proven the opposite. Vitamin E supplements might actually raise the risk of heart failure.” Guess who “proved” this? Yup, the pharmaceutical folks, who have no way to make a profit when you buy a vitamin instead of their pills. But I would like to add that you won't get what you expect from Vitamin E unless you take it with Vitamin C.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program. Future use of the above type of info in these newsletters will be shorter. I just didn’t have enough rants prepared already. J

The following text is copied from the book The Fungus Link: An Introduction to Fungal Disease, copyright © 2000, by Doug A. Kaufmann, with permission of the author.

A Personal Story of Healing

A Testimonial by F.G., Fort Worth, Texas

I moved to Texas in November 1982, and all was well with my health until about two years later (1984) when I started developing allergies. These allergies got to the point where I started getting sinus infections almost monthly. Every month I would go back to the doctor and get another round of antibiotics for these infections.

After about a year of this, I went to see a specialist and he discovered polyps in my sinuses. Although he surgically removed them, my sinus infections persisted. Once again, I found myself going to the doctor for more antibiotics. I finally went to an allergist and started getting desensitizing shots and prescriptions for decongestants, antihistamines, and topical nasal steroids. This did not help my chronic sinus infections, so he offered me, you guessed it, more antibiotics!

During one of my infections, I didn’t feel like eating much of anything for three days. No one had told me that when you take a combination of antihistamines, decongestants, and antibiotics, you should always eat – I learned the hard way. After sitting at my desk for five hours, I began to get light-headed and my heart started racing. This put me in the emergency room and I spent three days in a cardiac care unit. Luckily, I didn’t have a heart attack, but I went through all the testing: treadmill, stress thallium, echo cardiogram, and finally, the cardiac catheter. Although my heart checked out fine, I continued to feel terrible.

For several years after that, I continued on the same routine with regard to my health: chronic sinus infections and antibiotics. The process would continue until 1993 when I discovered blood in my stools. After numerous trips to my primary care physician, I was finally sent to a specialist. They determined I had “antibiotic colitis.” They prescribed cheese and yogurt. For six months my symptoms cleared and then began again. Again, I returned to my primary care doctor numerous times and again, he referred me to another specialist. I waited three weeks for an appointment. During this time, I really thought I was dying! Now chills, fever, and diarrhea were everyday occurrences. The specialist did a colonoscopy and diagnosed me with ulcerative colitis. He prescribed Prednisone and sulfasalazine to help control the symptoms. This initiated a long roller coaster ride. My health suffered and my symptoms returned with a vengeance.

In November of 1995, I was hospitalized for a week because of dehydration, loss of blood, and severe abdominal pain. I had heard of a person who owned a health food store and later learned that he could recommend some natural products that might help me with my condition. The same day the hospital released me, I went to the health food store. There I was, loaded up with more the one hundred fifty dollars worth of natural products. After reading all the directions, I was supposed to take approximately 40 pills per day at various times and drink three different kinds of herbal concoctions. I attempted to stay on this program, but it caused my symptoms to worsen.

The following month, I was back in the hospital for another week. The doctor notified me that if my condition did not improve within a few days, he would recommend surgical removal of my colon. The next day, the surgeon who was slated to do my surgery came into my room and detailed the surgical procedure for me. Fortunately for me, the 200 plus mailgrams of Prednisone I was receiving in my IV started to work and I was able to put off the surgery.

At this time, I felt that the surgical removal of my colon was inevitable, so I thought it was important for me to talk with others who had had this surgery. I was able to attend a support group meeting for persons with ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease. This morning would turn my life around.

The guest speakers at this meeting were Doug Kaufmann and Dr. David Holland. They talked about the effects of antibiotics on the digestive system and of fungus within the colon. I soon realized that there were many similarities with my condition.

The following week, I made an appointment to see them. Dr. Holland went over the restrictive diet program with me and prescribed some antifungal medicines that I needed to take. The following day, my wife and I began the diet. To be honest, the first three days were almost unbearable, but after that I got used to eating the foods. During the first two weeks, I noticed that the abdominal pain that I had lived with for the past three years was completely gone! My stools were completely normal and I felt better than I did before I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. An added benefit to this diet was that I have taken off four inches from my waist, my blood pressure has gone down considerably, and my sinuses are clear. I can’t pretend to completely understand this process, but I cannot argue with the results. I can thank Doug and Dr. Holland for giving me a normal life again!

Treating an “Incurable” Disease

A testimonial by Russ J.

I was first diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at the age of 14, a little over 20 years ago. Since then, my primary symptoms have been diarrhea and anal fistulas. I have been on and off a variety of medications: Prednisone, Azulfidine, Asacol, Rowasa, Flagyl, and Cipro. I have had a total of six surgeries, which all together removed about two-thirds of my colon or large intestine. Many of these things helped for a period of months or even years, but then my symptoms began to reappear or even worsen. Sometimes my fistulas got so painful that I began carrying a “fanny cushion” (made for hemorrhoid sufferers) with me everywhere I went and I took daily sitz baths.

At the beginning of 1996, I first heard about the Specific Carbohydrates Diet (SC). On the internet, I read testimonials of people who had been cured using the diet. My wife and I read a book that explained a low carbohydrate diet in detail and it gave many good recipes. I subscribed to a free, electronic mail Specific Carbohydrates Diet discussion/support group. This proved to be a great source of encouragement, information, and additional recipes.

In March 1996, my wife and I started the SC Diet. I began to see good results within a few days. After about ten days on the diet, I found myself having four to six bowel movements per day, rather than the 10 to 12 I previously had. Over the next few months I saw continued progress. I could often make it through a nine-hour workday without having to “go.” Prior to this diet, I went three to five times during the workday. Eventually my fistulas cleared up enough that I was able to get off both Flagyl and Cipro, which had been specifically prescribed to treat them. My wife’s seasonal allergy symptoms seemed to get much better. This diet was really working great!

However, after about ten months on the diet, I still had one persistent anal fistula and was still not having “normal” bowel movements. I had seemed to reach a plateau. I was much better than before the diet, but was frustrated that I saw little, if any, additional progress. I started listening to Doug Kaufmann on the radio, and he discussed the role of Candida (a type of yeast) in many diseases, including Crohn’s disease. Doug and David Holland, M.D., were going to discuss this correlation at a local meeting of a CCFA (Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America) support group. I went and was impressed with what I heard. I made an appointment with them for the following week.

For two weeks they put me on a slightly stricter diet, which they refer to as an “initial phase diet.” Dr. Holland prescribed nystatin, an antifungal drug, and they told me to begin taking daily doses of psyllium hulls. This is a source of non-digestible fiber available at health food stores. Several of the 100+ members of the SC Diet e-mail had suggested the same thing. As I had been warned, my diarrhea got slightly worse for the first few days on the program as the yeast in my system began to “die off.” By day ten on their program, I had the first normal bowel movement I’d had in several years!

Since then I have been able to reduce by 1/3 the dosage of Asacol (an anti-inflammatory drug) that I have been on for 18 months. A week ago, Dr. Holland prescribed Diflucan, a systemic antifungal drug, which we hope will help my one persistent fistula. Apparently, nystatin does not get into the blood stream, so it might not be able to reach the fistula. Again, I experienced some additional yeast die-off upon starting Diflucan, but that reaction seems to have subsided now. I am looking forward to seeing continued progress.

Many people in the medical community see Crohn’s disease as an incurable disease that remains undaunted by diet. My experience seems to prove otherwise. I thank God for leading me to the help I needed.

I, personally, wish these two men, and all the others who have similar such experiences with doctors’ lack of knowledge, inability to diagnose correctly, unnecessary surgeries, and overuse of pills, pills, and more damn pills, would sue the hell out of the entire medical establishment, including the AMA, the FDA, and every damn pharmaceutical company on the planet. Why must people go through years of pain that appears, to me, to be no better than medieval tortures? Note the use of phrases like “when they released me from the hospital.” Sounds like they are letting him out of jail, doesn’t it? Who the heck do they think they are that they can detain you in the first place? Or that the doctor tells you that you have no alternative but surgery? The hell you don’t! There’s always an alternative to these snake oil profiteers! And that’s why I am writing this newsletter: to inform you, to educate you, to give you options in your own health care. It is your life, after all, and absolutely no one is responsible for you but you!